In my podcast FKD UP BY FAITH, I have healing conversations with people who’ve been ‘f****d up’ by their faith, and who’ve found hope, healing, reconciliation, or forgiveness, in, or out of their faith tradition

Underlying the tongue-in-cheek title is a purposeful ethnographic and theological agenda. It is informed by, and in turn, informs my research for my Master’s degree in Public Theology.

I am a storyteller, fascinated by stories. The stories told in FKD UP BY FAITH are experiences of faith, religion, family and upbringing, of identity, rejection, control, and also of healing, acceptance, and forgiveness. Whilst not all stories are about this, FKD UP BY FAITH is also a space to talk about the important topic of Spiritual Abuse, something that we are only just beginning to properly talk about in public fora. I aim to create a space of deep, non-judgemental listening to allow the stories to be told. For this reason, some of my guests choose to be anonymous.

Definition of Spiritual Abuse, by Dr. Lisa Oakley, Associate Professor, School of Psychology, University ofChester; Chair of the national working group for child abuse linked to faith or belief; Associate thirtyone:eight

I have had some really wonderful conversations with some great folk – have a listen – all the episodes are listed below. Although it might seem like it, it’s not just for ex-evangelicals! Whatever your faith or religious background (or not) I am interested in having a conversation with you. Even if you don’t feel like you’ve particularly been f****d up, even if you’re just slightly peeved, come and have a chat.

in FKD UP BY FAITH Have a look at ‘Be a Guest’ if you would like to come and have a conversation with me, or if you know someone who fits the bill…

And… if you would like to support me in producing the podcast you can leave me a tip using the Paypal link at the bottom of this page.

Latest Episodes

After a bit of a break – because I fell off a ladder and broke myself- Fkd Up By Faith is back with a new season.

I was very lucky and very excited, to interview Matthew Remski for this first Fkd Up By Faith of 2023!
Many of you will know Matthew as one of the hosts of the fabulous Conspirituality podcast which is easily my favourite podcast, and the highlight of my listening week.
He is a writer, journalist, and cult researcher whom I first met in the yoga world, with which we have both become rather disillusioned. Our wide-ranging conversation begins in Catholicism and ends in the online world of the New Age influencer. A must-listen!
Matthew is author of several books, the latest being ‘Practice And All Is Coming: Abuse, Cult Dynamics, And Healing In Yoga And Beyond’ which is a must-read for anybody who is involved in yoga (especially those who teach)
He is also co-author – along with his fellow podcast hosts, Derek Beres and Julian Walker – of the upcoming Book ‘Conspirituality: How New Age Conspiracy Theories Became a Public Health Threat’ which is out in June, and available for pre-order from the publisher, and all the usual book places.
Matthew’s website
The Conspirituality website
The Conspirituality book
In this episode, Jude shares the poem ‘Adjective’ by Anne Carson
Matthew shares from ‘Noctograms’ by Luciano Iacobelli and from ‘An H in the Heart’ by bpNichol

This bonus episode is a special one for Samhain – or if you like – Halloween. There is a lot I don’t like about Halloween, and about the various ways in which distorted versions of our history and lore are sold back to us.  Samhain – the Celtic festival that preceded it – has also fallen prey to those who would seek to market all things spiritual in the best way that only the colonial mindset can.

Here’s the thing. It’s not for sale.

Light a candle. Place it in your window. Have a listen to my ritual in this episode if it appeals to you. You need buy nothing.

There are three parts with timings as follows

PART ONE – Background and history of Halloween and its origins in Samhain – 02:00

PART TWO- Ghosties, ghoulies, and the turn to the Dark Side – 06:55

Heads up/Content Warning for a nasty sound effect at 08:46!

PART THREE – A gentle Samhain Ritual – 12:20

The Samhain Blessing in the ritual was written by me (Jude)

Threshold Invocation for the Festival of Samhain

(to be said at the front door of the house on the eve of Samhain,

in the evening) from Celtic Devotional by Caitlin Matthews

Grandmother Wisdom, open the door,

Grandfather Counsel, come you in.

Let there be welcome to the ancient lore,

Let there be welcome to the Winter of the Year.

In cold and darkness you are travelling,

Under crystal skies you will arrive.

May the blessed time of Samhain

Clarify the soul of all beings,

Bringing joy and wisdom to revelation.

From the depths to the heights,

From the heights to the depths,

In the cave of every soul.

The background music in this episode is as follows

1. Celtic Dream by Frank Schroeter

Free download:

License (CC BY 4.0):

Artist on Facebook:

2. Halloween Theme 1 by Alexander Nakarada

Free download:

License (CC BY 4.0):

Artist website:

I was very excited and deeply honoured to be joined by the wonderful Dave Tomlinson on the podcast. If I am honest, I got a little bit excited to speak to one of my ‘favourite Christians’.

He is an Anglican priest, broadcaster and writer whose books include The Post-Evangelical, How to Be a Bad Christian, and Black Sheep and Prodigals.

You may well have come across Dave in his regular contributions to BBC Radio 2’s ‘Pause for Thought.’

Dave currently runs ‘the smallest parish in Christendom’ called the ‘Holy Shed’  which he broadcasts every Sunday evening on Facebook and Youtube.

You can find Dave on Facebook

On Youtube

On ‘Pause for Thought’ on Radio Two – Most recent broadcast

At ”Soul’ Space

This episode is an unusual solo run with me, Jude. It begins with an invitation to join me as a guest on the Podcast, and a little bit about why I am doing this, my ethical approach,  and my Master’s in Public Theology. 

I then talk a little about learning to trust the creative process. I then segue into a piece about preaching (and how on Earth I came to be a preacher!) and give an example of how I do it! I offer a homily I gave a few weeks ago about fear, trust and love. Don’t be put off by the ‘preaching’ focus, the piece says a lot about where I am coming from in my theology, which is about the radical message of the Gospels and the way I am compelled to push people’s buttons!

Read all about how to be a guest and my ethical approach here

Contact me

The Gospel reading is Luke 12: 32-40

FKD UP BY FAITH is back!

My first guest of this new season is the fabulous Rachel Blackman, who describes herself as a somanaut, acrobat of the heart, artist,  somatic educator, somatic coach, theatre maker, and  mentor

This was such a great conversation that could have gone on for several hours (and probably will for a few more!)

Rachel shares about growing up with Christian science, and about her evolving spirituality rooted in the earth, in interconnectedness, in the wisdom of the ancestors, in the intelligence of the body, and ultimately, and most fundamentally, in hope. She also very deftly started interviewing me at one point!


Rachel’s website –

Tiny Failures  –

The Somatic School –

Article about Improv and Polyvagal Theory  by Lacy Alana –

Check out previous episodes here.